Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
this will be a night to untag.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Randomize
