please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
Randomize
