he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
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