im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize
