No, drunk sperm still make babies.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Randomize
