i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
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