shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
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