What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
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