Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
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