I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
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