I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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