Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
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