Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
I want to be your penis for a week.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Randomize
