U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
