Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
