This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
