dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Randomize
