I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Randomize
