oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
I think I died a long time ago.
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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