i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
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