if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
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