he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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