butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
