I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
