kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Randomize
