Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
