I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
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