Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
he high fived his dick after we had sex
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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