Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
