i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
Randomize
