I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Randomize
