Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
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