it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Come on in and take your pants off
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