Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
