hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
I just got carded by a ten year old.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Randomize
