she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Randomize
