so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Randomize
