someone get that fucking seahorse.
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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