Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
