Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Randomize
