I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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