i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
