btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
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