Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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