When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
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