We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Randomize
