Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Randomize
