Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
