she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
