So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
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