If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
