I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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